Almaty, Kazakhstan
12:03pm 09/03/2012
I am losing my fucking mind.
Sometimes it seems I am way in over my head. Sometimes I have this restless feeling that nothing is being done because nothing can be done - I feel absolutely powerless over the situation. And then there are the times where I am in the middle of it all, working non-stop, getting stuff done but, the clutter comes in and everything seemingly grinds to a halt although "progress is made."
Right now I am racking my brains out - I need to get things done but, I need to get out, too. I need to leave this place which has almost nothing to offer me, although I appreciate the small things here and there. In the grand scheme of things, I am not happy - so, of course it is the little things that carry you along, right?
This past weekend was a period of inactivity on our part, I guess one last day off until the world ends. Saturday night we went out to a sauna, which was nice and relaxing (I guess as relaxing it could be when you're with your dad uncle and a bunch of other dudes getting drunk.) I could imagine throwing a party there with friends but, that won't happen. I enjoyed the place for what it was. It was a large space with a pool table, ping pong table, some couches, a large tv, two beds, a pool, showers, and a sauna room. It was good and I enjoyed it but, I can't say I relaxed.
And now, here I am on Monday with so many things to do but they aren't being done or can't be done. I have no equipment and, my employees, 2/3 have school, are in school but don't know their school schedules until today or tomorrow...which is ridiculous. Nothing is straight forward here, there always is something out from left field. You'd think I'd understand that more and would be able to deal with it immediately but, that's not the case. I enjoy a challenge but, this is beyond such - this whole venture in fact is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. And that I cannot bare. I have ideas and things to do back home but, after this, I do not even know I want to do any of those things.
Ahh for fuck sakes.
I need to plot my return.
12:03pm 09/03/2012
I am losing my fucking mind.
Sometimes it seems I am way in over my head. Sometimes I have this restless feeling that nothing is being done because nothing can be done - I feel absolutely powerless over the situation. And then there are the times where I am in the middle of it all, working non-stop, getting stuff done but, the clutter comes in and everything seemingly grinds to a halt although "progress is made."
Right now I am racking my brains out - I need to get things done but, I need to get out, too. I need to leave this place which has almost nothing to offer me, although I appreciate the small things here and there. In the grand scheme of things, I am not happy - so, of course it is the little things that carry you along, right?
This past weekend was a period of inactivity on our part, I guess one last day off until the world ends. Saturday night we went out to a sauna, which was nice and relaxing (I guess as relaxing it could be when you're with your dad uncle and a bunch of other dudes getting drunk.) I could imagine throwing a party there with friends but, that won't happen. I enjoyed the place for what it was. It was a large space with a pool table, ping pong table, some couches, a large tv, two beds, a pool, showers, and a sauna room. It was good and I enjoyed it but, I can't say I relaxed.
And now, here I am on Monday with so many things to do but they aren't being done or can't be done. I have no equipment and, my employees, 2/3 have school, are in school but don't know their school schedules until today or tomorrow...which is ridiculous. Nothing is straight forward here, there always is something out from left field. You'd think I'd understand that more and would be able to deal with it immediately but, that's not the case. I enjoy a challenge but, this is beyond such - this whole venture in fact is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. And that I cannot bare. I have ideas and things to do back home but, after this, I do not even know I want to do any of those things.
Ahh for fuck sakes.
I need to plot my return.
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